Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Squall, Shawn Referee: Val
Wow, this week is a marathon session: finishing one story, and slammed through two others. We wrap up Jayrich’s “The Long Way Out” (it wasn’t long enough, or rather, it wasn’t as long as Spud’s member is implied in the story). We also found out apparently Jake’s grandfather starred in some racy stuff with mermaids when he was a younger old man. Fancy.
After that, we breezed through addykins’ “Cyborg Beyoncé vs. Zombie Paula Deen“. This went about as well as you would have expected it to go: everyone was dead, then there was possibly a war with everyone who wasn’t dead, and Paula Deen was made of butter and Beyoncé crushed the hopes of little girls. Surprisingly, it was better than every Super Bowl halftime show for the last decade.
And Finally, we descended into the erotic, incesty world of “Is It Incest if You’re a Robot?” by The_Devilman_K. Spoiler alert: the answer, unequivocally, is yes.
Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, and RANDOM ENCOUNTER: Jackson, Kit, Moose, Rook
Every end is a new beginning’s…uh, beginning! In this jam-packed episode, members of the band Random Encounter (Jackson, Kit, Moose, and Rook) join the Friday Night Fanfiction crew in finishing “Metroid High School” by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan and starting “The Long Way Out” by Jayrich.
“Metroid High School” ends with an all out war: a cameo appearance by a previous president, more cholera, and a doctor showing up in a sports car. Yeah, it was that kind of reading. However, “The Long Way Out” took our temporary G rating and smashed it into a hard R (and I do mean hard). This story, which is based on the obscure Disney show Jake Long American Dragon, feels like a spiritual sequel to “Rated F: A Phineas and Ferb Sex Comedy“. There’s trolls and leprechauns and lots of fluffing going on. Lolbooty.
Oh dear. Oh dear, what have we wished upon ourselves? After wrapping up theJak and Daxter story, is this really our reward? Is this the light at the end of that tunnel? Because this light is made of poop, and the tunnel is also made of poop.
This is “Metroid High School” by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan. Written in the same vein as “Brewdening Love” and “My Immortal”, this one takes on the Metroid franchise as if it were in…well, high school. And it’s terrible. There’s “praegnancies”, and cholera, and “fottballs”, and a whole lot of Principal Gunpei Yokoi for some reason. Put your “Seamus Helmets” on and get ready to do some “blackhacking” in the first entry of this two-parter!
Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Roy, Sir Splee, Steve Referee: Val
We finish off the Jak and Daxter fic, “Precursors and Dark Makers” by xax. We… We don’t even know anymore. There’s a lot of tentacles, and there’s eco, and its light and dark, and the sentences run on sometimes, and somehow Captain Spankit saves the day or something. It was weird. But we FINISHED IT!
Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Roy, Shawn, Valron, Val Referee: Val
Welcome to part one of a two-parter Jak and Daxter fic, “Precursors and Dark Makers” by xax. What are Dark Makers? Well, they’re Dark, and they Make stuff. Jak eJakulates Light Eco, while Dark Makers do Dark Eco. Yes, it’s as painful as it sounds.
In fact, xax’s story is so gruelingly repetitive that it practically negates the horrible, tentacle-y slug semen grossness and whatever violence it has in store for us. It takes masterful writing to do that to subject matter this horrible, but by Jove, xax does it.
WE’RE BACK! Our summer break has ended and now, we celebrate with three stories for our inaugural outing.
First: “Hercules.TXT.TXT“, a recap a fan for us for a friend of theirs who refused to experience the Hercules fic from Season Two. It went about as we as you would expect. WE DID IT, REDDIT! WE DID IT!
Next up, two of our most loveliest, dedicatedest fans wrote a Left 4 Dead 2 slash Lion King fic called “Savage Savannah“. This masterpiece was penned by Lorenzomnomnom and NewRosswell post by post, similar to how “A Tale of Two Minecrafts” was written back in the day. While not quite terrible OR erotic, it was a ruining of both properties and the musical number in the middle had to be cut due to copyright reasons. (Don’t sue us, Disney. PLEASE.)
And finally… “Split Banana“. A wonderful erotic crossover of X-Men and Buffy the Vampire Slayer by JoeHundredaire, in which Xander gets up to make a midnight snack but ends up losing more calories than he gained… If you know what I’m saying!
Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Roy, Val Referee: Val
And so season 2 of Friday Night Fanfiction concludes. The nightmare longfic “Mahou Shoujo Kaleido Amethyst” is behind us (see below for links to all seven parts). And so, to celebrate, we end this romp reflecting on highlights from the season and a Larry the Cable Guy/ My Little Pony fic: “Larry the Cable Guy Goes to Equestria” by Kickass222urmom.
We’ll be back with Season 3, recording the first Monday in September! More stories! MORE ACTUAL SEX! Clowns! We have no clue what’s in store! But don’t fret, all through August we’ll be releasing another classic from the good ol’ OCAD days: “Solaceon Daycare’s Excellent Adventure”!
Readers: Stevo, Val, David, Roy, Steve, tehmsu Referee: Val
WE FINISHED MAHOU SHOJOU! It was extremely uneventful. No, seriously. This was not worth it. No aspect of kijin666’s Harry Potter and Fate/stay night crossfic was worth the time we wasted. This was AWFUL. No payoff. So little sex. So much filler material. We’re actually am very upset about this. WHERE IS THE CATHARSIS?! WHERE IS THE RELIEF?! This fic literally cock blocked the Internet.
To celebrate, we read two other fics as well. First is “Harry Potter, Sex Fiend” by Lokifan. It was not pleasant. Lots of smacks and slaps and shit. And then we read “Sharp” by thingsarequeer, which was about Xena. It was also not pleasant. Knives are not good for sexual play, folks, not matter how nutzo you are.
But before we learned that horrifying truth on our quest to the end of “Mahou Shoujo Kaleido Amethyst” – kijin666’s painful Harry Potter and Fate/stay night crossfic. Guest readers Mannypedia and nodachie cobbled together a homemade fic just for Stevo and about Stevo during last week’s episode. They titled it “The Lustful Beard“, and were gracious enough to come on and read it with us while Stevo delivered his own lines. David also did lines, but Stevo would rather forget that performance in all its intimate detail. Old pal Garret also returned to the show for first time since Season One! It was a doozie.
Then we actually got to the sex, and it was like two pages long, and totally not worth it IN. THE. LEAST.
The nightmare never ends! Join us for our continued crusade thorough our supremely awful season finale story: “Mahou Shoujo Kaleido Amethyst” by kijin666 – a crossfic of Harry Potter and Japanese visual novel Fate/stay night. IS THERE SEX YET? NOPE!
Yes, it’s true. We’re rotting our brains away with this supposedly smutty fanfic and there’s not even any porny moments yet. Join in on our torture and drink the pain away with us.